2/11/2012

Today is her birthday. Today is not a good day. Today is a sad day. Today sucks. My life is so different now.. Never see Yee Lan happy again. Never see her smile sincerely.. Never get to see the hyper me.. I've changed to be quite, antisocial and hiding what I feel inside.. It hurts so much that I could take a knife and stab my heart an say bye to the world. I get sad everyday. When will this drama stop? Because of drama my life has changed and even me. Pleas just come back and safe my poor heart..

19/10/2012

I thought I was strong enough to face this but it turns out to be I'm not strong enough.. You chose to hurt me I don't mind, but I hope I'll get back your love.. I hope during this time we are not close you won't find someone else to replace me and also keep being loyal to me.. I really very San fu.. But if you still don't care I understand.. Hope you are happier now..

Hubby

If you're reading this let me tell you this, recently you've become someone else you always say you love me I believe but nowadays you get angry easily.. Just because of one word I said "haihhhh" then you started a fight :( I don't wanna answer you cause it will be worse.. I'm already very stress and having difficulty in this relationship.. You make it harder everyday.. Hard till I barely can breath.. Breathing is so hard when I'm hurt by you.. But why I keep holding on because I believe you love me.. But I really can't tolerate your attitude.. Every night when I am going to bed I think why am I so stupid to wait hoping you'll change for me but you didn't and you won't.. Why I become like that because of all the hurting you cause me.. My eyes soon getting blind.. Problem with breathing because my spine is compressing my lungs.. And yet you don't understand me :( I've tried my best to be the best I can be but it doesn't seem to work.. I feel useless I feel nothing but I'm not giving up! Cause I still believe you love me.. If you're gonna continue to be like that then there is not guarantee :( let's hope you'll change for me :( i love you hubby! Muakxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!!

Fucking hate my life

So nice taking girls home right? Sohaiiii seriously.. Never care of my feelings.. You watch out la next time I can drive I purposely drive boys back.. So syokkkk right? Fuck you! I seriously hate you so much that I'm not gonna talk to you.. Mother fucker keep hurt me like shit.. You go fuck yourself and go fuck whoever you want! Not interested anymore! Sohaiiii treat you how good also no use cause for you one girl is not enough.. From today I'm so gonna be bad to you! Mother sohaiiii from don't know where! Fuck yourself hurting me like some bitch!!! So fuxking gonna remember this! So bloody hurt by you.. I just wish I can like get out from this universe and never appear again.. So you'll know how it feels.. Fuck you! Fuck all those bitches out there!!!

So like girls go get tons la! Don't wanna give a fuck anymore!

Free lesson now :)

Yesterday we fought and I was really sad actually the worse part is everytime I'm sad you get sad too and when you get sad you'll start to say stuff like I chat with guys and stuff it's actually like you're saying things that don't even happen.. Why you say stuff that wanna hurt me huh? I don't actually understand but nvm la just because I love you, I'll have to tolerate all your other bad sides.. Let's hope you'll be a better guy..

My wrong?

What did I do to deserve the way you're treating me right now? Did I do anything wrong to deserve this? Why suddenly become like that? I didn't know eat must be fast and I can't enjoy my meal.. I didn't know I can be this hurt by you.. I became so strong that I wouldn't cry in school but suddenly my teardrop dripped and I felt so unloved by you it's like you want what I must do it for you :( i am so sad.. I will always remember what u say and what promises you made when u say you want me back but I guess every word you say you forgot and just act like you don't know.. I'm so sad but I'll keep it to myself..

I've made a decision :)

I finally made up my mind :) I'm so happy that everything is cleared so I don't have to worry so much.. I have decided ^^ happy happy :) lalalalalalalalala

I am messed up

Yesterday I called you cause I really miss you.. But do u know after that I was chatting with a guy best friend until almost 4 in the morning and he actually told me he likes me.. I'm not in between 3 guys you, Kai Sheng and that guy.. I can't make a decision.. I really wished we never broke up so there won't be other guys coming for me.. :/ it's so hard.. Yes no matter what I'll never forget you.. But I'm I gonna be selfish to hurt the other 2? I'm I suppose to hurt guys again? I really don't wanna hurt anyone anymore.. Is there anyway that all 3 guys will be happy? Yesterday I decided to call u because I really want u to know I miss you even I look really strong but suddenly through all my sad moments in life there is this 2 guy come try safe me.. And teman me until I can sleep.. Not all guy is willing to stay up 4am to talk to me.. Even u also wanna sleep.. I just know that if I hurt any of you 3 guys I'll regret.. Because 3 boys also really love me and I dont know how anymore!!! Sorry.. Goodluck in your exam :) don't think so much.. After exam only talk about love la :p all the best!!

11:31

I called u and I told you I haven't give up on you yet.. But I know u already did so I LOW YEE LAN, promise to forget you for the rest of my life.. You no longer care so why should I? I'm giving this guy a chance since you no longer love me!! Fine.. All my tears wasted and all my hardwork I put in is burned.. :) thanks for waking me up telling me you've give up on me.. There's is no point for me loving you anymore.. This guy I'll accept him and I'll promise to be happy with him.. And you!!! I hope one day you'll regret giving up on me.. :) thanks for fake loving me all this while! And thanks for lying saying you'll wait for me no matter what!!! Thanks Mr. Sim Ken John! Bye !

I'm scared

I really don't know why I have this type of feeling.. I am scared.. Why am I scared? :( you know I've seen your conversation with her and I saw u liking all her instagram pictures.. I'm sure you still love her.. I guess it's time for me to stop checking your stuff because when I check I get hurt.. Everytime it disappoints me.. So I promise myself not to look at it anymore.. You wanna like who's picture its non of my business.. Even if you both get together one day I only can just smile like nothing's wrong.. I gotta stay strong! I have to!! Stay strong Yee Lan stay strong!!! :'(

:)

Thank you for such nice wishes but I am sure you're not happy.. I'm sorry ahh!! But if one day we are meant to be we will be in the future.. I'll never forget the joy you bring to my life and all the laughter.. Until now all your presents I still keep properly and think of you :) even as memories it's sweet so I don't think I should throw it.. Okay! Let's be friends!! ^_^ you too can text me & call me.. Like that is better than being enemies right? :p haha you stay strong! Be honest with me okay? :p

:)

To be honest i can't forget you.. Seriously you're always on my mind I keep thinking of you.. In school I can't laugh like last time be hyper like last time the hyper me is gone.. Totally gone okay? I just don't know what to say I can't be selfish anymore.. Yes to be honest he isn't as good as you but why don't give him a chance? Maybe he will change for me like how you did.. Last time he treat gf all like shit but now he treat me okay :) so far still okay.. To be honest I miss you and all those memories we have built together :) but nvm la we can both stay strong and be friends right? :) can we?

Oh well

You don't lie that you're bored and all that Kay? The way you talk to her proves everything.. I am stupid enough to listen to your lies too!! No matter what we both will move on because there is no more hope between us.. I just realize you are the old you.. Serious and I'm not joking I feel it okay? And plus! I will not stop him from badminton because that is his career and I will always support him.. And to tell you, even how bad he treat me I'll also keep quite because I don't want a guy to treat me good with a fake heart! I don't wanna be with playboys anymore.. I wanna have a simple life with someone that loves me.. Just that simple thing will do.. Today I went X-ray usually I have you to comfort me not to get scared. But I'm okay now.. I see doctor I face everything myself.. I'm a stronger girl and also more matured to accept things that are hard to be accepted.. Thanks for hurting me :) u made me this strong today :p

Sorry

Sorry that I've hurt you too much.. Yes I met this guy he treat me good but can never compare to you.. But honestly I read your conversation with Annabelle :) so I guess I know what I'm doing :) choosing him over you is a good choice I've made because no matter what I know that the only girl in your heart is her :) I knew it I really knew it even we were together.. Haha I was stupid enough to believe you love me.. But I'm over it la.. I'm tired of loving a guy which plays my heart like a toy :) you ahh learn to love your new gf take care of her dont be so playboy anymore okay? You also must take care :p

My feelings towards you!

Do u know right now I really hate you? Do u know what you've done? Do you know how much pain u put me in? Yesterday was your birthday I saw you talk about u found someone new and u kissed her and some stuff like that.. Yes until now I still read your blog and read your tweets but after reading just make me feel you're just the same old freaking playboy which I hate!! Yesterday I cry because of you! Lucky the guy that likes me comforted me and calm me down.. Even he likes me he still can tolerate me talking about you! Hurt me so much.. Your tweets and all.. Talking back to all your ex and old crushes.. Are u like born to be a pain in the ass or what? Please la if you don't love me anymore just stop all those love stuff writing shit.. Okay?! I don't want to continue to cry.. You move on I move on :) simple as that.. Don't have to say things to hurt me.. No matter what you'll always be part of my memories :) and also take care this might be abit rude but I'm sorry I don't want to feel like this anymore.. Please stop okay? ^^ thanks

You!

Why all the sweet words you say isn't true? Why wanna hurt me? Why you can see my cry every night? Why you can still protect another girl? Why still wanna say I love if you can call me jackass in public? Why you wanna do all this to me? Why wanna tell mummy u still love me? Why wanna say sweet stuff but end up hurting me? I believe your words I cry for them but you.. Nvm la I'm hurt enough.. I just don't think you need me anymore..

Are we really over?

Today you treat me really cold.. But I still could tolerate it.. But one time after another you keep finding a way to just be single.. Are we really over? Can you tell me? It doesn't matter anymore.. I called you, you ended it anyway.. Loving me was just a game to you.. Take care la.. Love me love me ? Everyday say but not once i was with the heart.. Ish let me cry la.. Bye

I am so strong

I am a strong girl like I said before :) even so little thing you can't accept imagine all those words you have used to call me before and I could just tolerate :) you're just too selfish thinking of your feeling.. Wanna tell you now why I'm not happy :) you tell me the story why u don't want let me keep your money :) okay fine since you so don't trust me then want me for what? Better just don't need me :) to have your better half because you trust them with everything.. Since you don't is it because I'm not your better half ? Is it? If it is tell me la.. What also don't trust me.. If I don't trust you, you also not happy la.. Keep think of yourself never think before of me :'(

:)

I knew you would end my call because you and all the other guys out there is just the same :) treating me better was crap :) say to make me feel better :) what the hell? Say can't do, nvm I'm use to it anyway... Since you end my call again and again :) I can't tolerate it anymore.. Too bad I say try end again then BU and ya you did :) hahaha its not me that wanna BU is you that wanna BU that's why you end the call :) thanks

Sorry

I really very hurt deep down :) I just know that this relationship won't last to the future because we are already struggling and it's only 10 months plus.. Don't you think we are in pain? You hurt more by promising me all those things you can't do.. You say I hurt you, then u no hurt me? Promises is always broken in your hands.. You refuse to make my dream come true.. I really not happy but it's okay la since I hurt to you is normal I'll rather stay hurt :) my life is always sadness no happiness :) I know that and it's fine with me.. No one will love me so much and will just love me and not hurt me :( I know my life is hard as rock :) and plus even I have sickness all that no one cares as long as I make people happy and sadness keep coming to me :) hubby hope u understand but I'm sure you wont.. Haha use to it d la.. Let me continue to be sad la cause you happy can d :) thanks for everything :)

No one understands me!

I thought you will understand me when others don't.. The person I love most tend to not understand me as well.. Now I have no one :( all alone.. No one I can talk to no one I can depend on.. Why you don't understand me?!! Why?? Just because I said my friends are quite important you're making a big fuss about it? I'm so disappointed in myself :) no one understands me :) I'm so useless and I know it.. Dont have to rub it in my face ! Say treat me better and all those crap was just a piece of crap.. Because u don't know the real way to treat me right.. I say hope you understand and still want to show your attitude to me? Sorry I cant tolerate that.. I'm sorry you just don't understand me find a way to understand me la please!! Thanks bye

Its been long seen I last blogged

Well in a few days a lot of things had happen and also I hurt the guy I love most and just because of a useless girl like me, he actually poked himself with a knife ? How am I so stupid to leave a guy that loves me so damn fucking much? And also now we appreciate each other way better and also learn how to treat each other more lovingly.. He changed a lot for me his attitude the way he talk and everything.. I know he change because he don't wanna lose me and if he forever treat me so good I will never ever leave him.. He say day by day he will treat me better and we shall see about that.. All I know is I feel very sad deep down that I hurt him but at the same time I have to stay strong because I need to continue to love him I don't want him to get hurt.. If anything happen to me he also will get sad so I have to stay strong too :) I love you so much Fei Zai ❤❤❤

Recently

Recently we became better improving until just now.. I really want him to understand me :) because I'm sure that I will never fail to fall in love everyday with him.. Hubby I want u to be more understanding.. Because if you can I sure happy die :) I just hope hubby you will sayang me forever ya ? Ai Si Ni

Yesterday

Feeling very unhappy.. Yesterday you left me hanging and also didn't say goodnight just because you fell asleep ? Haih got think of me ? Make me feel guilty but actually just small thing and also wanna fight :( whatever la so tired of fighting and also morning you did send me message but at the end I sad.. Nvm la yesterday make me cry till 4 something in the morning and never even say sorry ahh make u so worried and all that.. But he never say anything.. Nvm la I love him so I tahan bah.. I love you.. Muakxxxxx! Hope that one day he will change for me.. And also will don't be so hot tempered.. I really hope that the day will come.. Okay la don't wanna say anymore have to stop crying... Bye

13th march

Well I'm having a holiday break and yes trying to relax myself from all the stress recently.. I will never forget that on this day midnight, me and him fight like crazy and he finally said that word "break up" and he said he was serious about it.. And at that moment my heart broke and tears dripped one after another it hurts so so so much.. So I actually decided to leave this world because I can't stand no more pain and all this hurtfulness.. So at the end he begged me not to leave him and give give him another chance.. He said please and he said he will appreciate me.. So now he say he is doing art do I have some time to blog.. And I'm hoping this time he will keep his words.. Because I don't wanna get hurt like last time.. Sorry hubby I really want you to change to appreciate me.. If you are not going to appreciate me next time you will regret.. But i love you anyway..

Thursday :)

These few days I not really very happy lo honestly.. Okay okay only.. And also on tuesday I heard people say you talk to Melissa in school but you didn't tell me, got respect mah? Then give u want chance to tell the truth you never, you still can swear.. I was so disappointed that I ignored his whatsapp :( really really sad.. Today ask him come visit me since his school so I asked him come see me eat and go but he don't want.. For me as long as can see him I okay already but he must have some horny thing happen only he happy want.. Please la hubby love me can mah? I now at sick bay I really sick d, never tell u don't want u worry.. Wanna rest awhile :)

10 Months Texting Anniversary

Yes it's true I'm very sad very angry because you never text me.. I was super angry that I could just ignore you.. But why you go cut yourself why ?! No matter what somehow I will forgive you just the matter of time.. You do stupid things will just make me feel useless.. Because you hurt yourself for me shows I'm a useless girlfriend or wife.. :( I just feel like going there hugging you help you clean your wound I just feel so useless other then crying I can't do anything.. Just wanna say we already pass 10 months together we have long long way to go.. If you hurt yourself then who take care of me ? You promise to take care of me until I old must do it okay ?! I love you so so so so much hubby!!! Talk to you later okay ? And once again HAPPY 10 MONTHS TEXTING ANNIVERSARY! Muakcxxxxxx!! ❤

A Day With You :)

Today I really very happy because we finally get to spend some time together.. I know I very stupid hehehe and in the car when I sleep on you I feel very safe very nice :) and u keep sayang my head and hug me kiss my forehead at that time I feel like I'm the luckiest girl :) I wish everyday also you can be by my side hugging me protecting me.. We ate lok lok together I very happy :) feel like we have our own world somehow :p thank you did making my day so wonderful and amazing.. I really miss you like crazy.. Just now you go I never cry but when turn back I straight cry :'( maybe you won't cry but I really miss u.. We very long time never try so happy already but I know we can make this to the future.. I love you so so so much!! Goodnight hubby sweet dreams ya? Muakxxxxxxxxx!! ❤❤❤❤❤

Unhappy

I don't understand my life I don't understand it at all.. I find it so hard to breath because I'm too broken heart.. I am so sad I really am.. I don't know what to say anymore.. My heart l
Already dead it hurts.. Too sad too disappointed.. Don't know what to do anymore.. I just know as long as he one day at that school I will very unhappy.. Everything change and it hurts.. I have to reaccept everything again.. I can't take it.. It's too much for me :( I'm not a strong girl.. I am a weak one.. Why nobody understand me ?

These few days

These few days we argue a lot.. On the 29th of February we fight and it's on leap year thinking it would be special but it didn't :( nvm then I thought 1st of March can be a good day at the end we fight again.. I'm so tired of fighting and I don't like it.. And also it's his official first day at school today I very not happy because I have a feeling that in that school he very happy next time will have a lot of friends and also girls that will talk to him.. I have to click restart to accept the fact again i can't estimate how long I will be unhappy but I'll learn to accept eventually.. I really not happy that he is in that school, make me worry make me sad make me cry :( haih last time I cry one month plus and this time don't know how long.. Really don't like being sad like that but as long as he happy can already la.. I love you dear.. Hope one day you'll understand my love for you but I don't think you will.. Haih but nvm I'll be okay

1:17 am

Tonight I am crying myself to sleep.. I really very sad.. :'( if I don't cry until morning I am not Yee Lan.. I'll take this time to chill and make my mind clear.. No matter what I still very love you and also I am truly sorry.. But today I really very sad..

Happy 9 Months Anniversary!

Hubby I really very happy we made it to 9 months... I really feel very guilty for not being there for our 9 months because my brother and his wife want a divorce I feel sad too.. I hope you understand how I feel.. Anyway I am really happy because we both made it to 9 months not easy ahhh.. Like world war 3 hahaha :) I just wanna say I love you like there is no tomorrow <3 Ai Si Ni Hubby!!! Muakkxxxxxx!! Honey sleep lo.. I love you!! And again HAPPY 9 MONTHS ANNIVERSARY

Sorry :(

Hubby i am really sorry ahhh, never pui until you and also never horny with you.. I'm truly sorry ahh hubby.. I don't mean to but mummy came back and my cousin also come wor I am so so so sorry.. I hope you not angry at me ya hubby.. Sorry honey really sleepy d.. Goodnight.. I love you!

I am feeling sad

Today keep help people carry things and my backbone hurting like shit.. Then hubby tell me he changing his phone with someone else I very not happy because he never value the phone that money also got my money want leh.. But nvm la he wanna change I'm okay :) I still love you hubby anyway <3

2:02 am

Today I am very sad.. Even yes I made you happy but i am not happy.. Sorry for my mistakes.. Actually I not tired i am just very sad.. I said if u love me call me and I tried making u happy but it didn't work.. At the end only it did.. But why I sad u can't make me happy? Why? U know I won't sleep u know I very heart sick.. You know I cry like hell.. What u know.. My feelings is just so hurt :'( I asked u to call me u can't even do that to make me happy.. I really feel u are bored of me.. I really very sad.. Sorry goodnight

I hate this!

You know I thought wanna let u play game? I text u "can I call you?" you don't wanna reply because you wanna deny this question.. I thought let u enjoy la but how u treat me Har? Call you some more wanna deny.. I'm sure you lie to me before, not once but many times! Just that I don't know! My stomach pain having bad time call u wanna talk to u.. Ask u permission don't wanna reply if I simply call without asking u scold... U want I how? Sorry la I not good enough!! Sorrry!!!!! Ish fucked up.. These few days keep treating you soft but how u treat me ? No use treating you soft!! Fuck my life!!

21/02/2012 :D

Today is the happiest day in 2012 so far and also the saddest at the same time.. Well it was sad beginning & happy ending.. Why I was sad because he went to Jovin's house and he didn't tell me.. He whatsapp Kah Heng and text him but not me.. But he did whatsapp me but to the fat guy ;) I was so sad to know he broke the promise :( I cried my ass off including he changing to Sri Suria people say there got leng lui.. So I'm worried and I couldn't take it I'm thinking too much and I bang my head at the wall many times to wake myself up what am I doing ? I really don't know. But at the end I'm okay :) he came and he bought me KFC spend time with me I was so so so happy that I was speechless.. In school everyone is staring maybe they think we are sweet ;) I'm sure that a lot of people admire thou.. I miss you so damn much that I don't know how to say it but it's such a joy to see you, hug you and kiss you!! I love u so much.. Thank u for the penguin, the valentines card and all the iPhone covers :) I love you so much hubby!! And the best part is you carry my bag I finally feel touched and u still hug me in front of everyone makes me feel special.. Hubby, honey ass hurts! :( hahaha now you're sleeping already you have bad headache and I'm pretty worried about you.. :'( I'm begging you to see the doctor hubby.. If I was by your side I will massage for you and hug you to sleep.. I wish you were here hubby!! Thanks for everything today since you don't want send me the picture today I'll upload when u send them to me <3 love die you ahh!!

1:33 a.m

Well I talked it out with you and tell u exactly how I feel I really never lied about anything but since you promise me all the promises I really hope you can do it.. Take care of me in the future.. I sometimes feel like I wanna hug u so tightly ahh! I just hope that if one day we can really make it to the future I wanna have a pair of puppies only >.< hehehe and thanks for making me happy even I was so down I am sure I can be okay and recover!! :)!8 love you hubby!! Goodnight <3

I miss you

I now watching tv and I really miss you because somehow I'm really sad.. It's because he got text Jovin and they talking about going out yam cha :) ya I'm happy because he have friends which are still loyal but at the same time he never ask me go along maybe with me he will feel not comfortable of anything but nvm la it's his way of thinking I can't say anything.. And watching this movie the girl became a prisoner but the guy never leave her still love her believes what she say.. But I'm sure one day he will believe me to the max.. I am just hoping that he love me more then I think he does.. Because I already decided to change for him, because I love him so much that I can't say anything anymore..

7:47

I just wanted to tell you that I got text Kah Loong I don't wanna lie to you but today our friendship had ended.. I decided not to be friends with him anymore.. Even if we are friends it wouldn't mean a single thing to me anymore.. I wanted to tell you but you said you got to go and talk to me later.. I very sad I was trying to tell the truth.. Maybe honey very stupid because honey really wanna change.. Honey wanna be the best.. Honey wanna treat you the best before anything happen and we regret one day.. I wanna make best memories :) I yesterday think think think I can't sleep and I woke up at 5 I was so scares if one day you don't want me anymore then what will happen to me? I just hope you understand I already decided to be the best I can be I hope you'll change too :') thank you

The saddest night

Today can consider a very bad bad day for me.. I'm really unhappy and all those thing that made me sad.. And also the worse thing is John sad slapped him.. John wanna change back to KL school but in one condition break up with me.. I can't take that!! It's so stupid.. Yes! Even though it is fake but still it hurts my feelings.. I don't know how to express my feelings right now but I'm so hurt and so scared.. :'( I cried too much today I'm so afraid so scared.. The happy me have to come back!! Please I wanna be happy I don't wanna cry in school tomorrow.. How i wish he knows how I feel.. How I wish hubby can hug me and surprise me in school but that will never happen.. I really afraid to sleep what if the next day he don't want me anymore? I don't wanna over think maybe I should just sleep.. Goodnight

Why?

Why today u like don't care about me? Usually I reply late you'll ask you'll scold but today you didn't instead you did not even care in return u replying late and all.. I'm very disappointed.. Maybe you're bored of me or maybe you're already interested with someone else.. Today I very angry wanna scold but I decided not to instead I kept quite like nothing's wrong but deep down I'm really unhappy.. I have nothing else to say.. 20 minutes haven't finish eating ah? Okay la maybe understand la 20 minutes it's almost one hour already la.. Haih I'm speechless you go talk to whoever u want la okay.. I'm nothing anymore <3 enjoy your life without me.. I'll just be a statue saying okay that's all.. I'm not going to scold or anything anymore I'm tired..

18/02/2012

Today I went for Avril Lavinge's concert and it was not that bad.. I know that it's my hubby's favorite singer so I thought he can join me and I went and ask if there was any extra ticket and yes they do but he can't make it.. So I wasn't that happy plus I was trying to be good to call him and ask him if he wants to hear but he was sad so nvm.. I am sorry I can't do anything better.. And also today is the first night u sleep without saying goodnight, sweet dreams and sleep tight on the phone I feel so so so sad.. It makes me feel like to u this relationship is getting more bored and also not that good anymore.. Maybe I'm over thinking :( but hope you're not bored of me.. I just don't know why u can't wait.. Maybe you're too tired.. Nvm la I wanna sleep now.. Nite love you!!