Cheer leading

I feel so bad wanting to dance :( I feel so stupid.. I know I'm so selfish.. I know he love me that's why he don't want me to dance.. I know what he want is for me to be good.. He won't wanna hurt me or anything.. I just feel that I wanna dance not only for red house but I also wanna prove that I can finally win blue.. Yes I'm not a sports person and I'm sure I can't win anything for red house all I can do is dance.. I know I will make my husband really upset and all but I hope he will also understand me.. I have only 2 years and I'm done with secondary.. I just wanna have good memories :) I know he will be sad and all.. He will also keep everything to himself but he don't know I care about him a lot.. Can say almost every hour I check if he updates his blog.. I saw all his recent post.. He really want me to quit cheer leading.. But I know if I quit everyone will look down on me.. I don't want that.. I want to be remembered by school after I leave.. Hubby, I'm truly sorry to hurt you.. I know I'm selfish you can blame me.. Reading your post I cry because I don't feel like you're happy with me.. But I won't give up making you happy.. Cause I truly love you.. I want him to be happy forever.. Someday when u read my blog U will know actually I love you a lot :) but I won't show u know.. Someday I will :) I'm so so sorry about the dance and I'm so so sorry to make u sad about it.. And for the first time u text me So much and for the first time i got 5 miss call from you.. My phone was on silent and I was sleeping.. I am so sorry about that too.. :( I know I am not perfect and I never ever chose Dancing over YOU! Because you are my everything.. Reason why i wanna win blue is because your ex are in blue house is Leey Shiaan is there, shir li was ex blue member, Helen.. So yes I wanna win blue to show I'm better than them and I got the man they can't have.. I'm sorry I never tell you but you will know someday right hubby? Sorry.. :( I LOVE YOU FOREVER HUBBY!! Muakxxxxx!